I am loved, and my enemy is despised

I am loved, and my enemy is despised. My story is complicated, yet it is not. I am still breathing, though I do not know if I will live, or how life could ever still be possible for me. And today, I believe my struggle, and this injustice, will live until the end of time, in a world that cannot forgive itself. I will be remembered, in a world that cannot forget me.

How can someone live their whole life under occupation and siege, and under an ongoing genocide, crushing everything, they try to save, and still feel loved and cared for by the world? That feels like an impossible challenge!

My heart is broken beyond repair; for every sorrow, every wound, every patient I could not save, every illness I could not heal.

I have closed my eyes to the silence after massacres, and opened them to the screams of new ones. I carry the weight of unending loss, a bleeding that does not stop.

My loving heart is forever broken. Every time I felt I didn't do enough, every failure, all the people I failed, and all the people who failed me.

How can I look at life with hope? How can I even imagine it's possible, when all my years have been drowned in suffering and hell?

How am I supposed to feel loved by a world

that has decided my sacrifices don't deserve recognition and salvation, when I'm not even treated as an equal human being?

How am I expected to be normal, when everything that happens to me crushes my very ability to feel normal?

Tonight my heart feels so shattered, that I feel I will never be normal again. I fear I may never feel truly loved again!