I am tired

Today, we've already seen nearly 500 patients; some sick, others wounded.

It was mental torture.

I couldn't focus on everyone, though I tried my best not to let anyone die. But every time I tried, it felt impossible.

I scanned two children at the same time; both had internal abdominal bleeding.

The hospital itself was attacked today, just a few meters from where I work, hit by a drone missile. While we were drowning in patients, we had to drop everything and focus on those severely wounded by the strike.

I had to reassure patient after patient suffering psychological trauma, but many were beyond any reassurance.

I saw women weeping for loved ones murdered by the occupation, at an American aid point.

I saw young men carried on a car, dead, shot at that same aid point.

I saw a family screaming in terror asI treated their sons; one had his face blown off. His mother, in agony, begged me: "Please save him, I waited so long for him to grow up."

I saw fragile elderly people arrive on foot from far away, desperate for medication.

I saw an unconscious diabetic woman; I couldn't even test her sugar level because we lacked the basic tools. I pushed sugar into her vein, but didn't have time to check if she ever woke up.

We had no medication to save lives.

I saw my colleagues exhausted, still forced to handle a flood of new injuries carried in by civilians.

I saw a woman gasping her last breaths, and I had to leave her, to try to save someone else.

I had to tell a colleague that his uncle was dead, right after he begged me to say he was alive.

All day, I have been nothing but human.

I laughed, I cried, I was helpless, and I was helped. I was frustrated, and sometimes satisfied. I was weak and I was strong. I was gentle and I was angry. I was focused, and at times completely absent. I was horrified by news of more injuries on their way, but determined to pull myself together.

I am tired.

Now l can rest, though I know this is the hour when families are usually wiped out.

I can lie down, but so many others cannot.

I can speak, but I know my words will only break your heart, and change nothing.