My mind is sick of this

Saleh, and so many others, are survivors of genocide; but victims of dehumanization. Israel keeps killing, day after day, still torturing us with darkness and fear. May he be the last martyr. Glory to all martyrs, peace to the survivors, and justice for all.

Hey.

I just got home from a café in the street.

I feel uncomfortable, unsettled, restless.

Maybe it's the news again. It's all negative and dark.

The anxiety that awaits me makes me anxious.

It tires me, terrifies me; terrifies me of the world itself. I fear it the most. It's worse than hell.

They already took over some of us, permanently. It's dark; I feel the darkness in my own body.

I struggled to write this thought down:

The anxiety of knowing and surviving a genocide is not as heavy as the pain of thinking about normal people, in safe places, and wondering if I'll ever live among them again without the anxiety that would leave me a frightened creature.

The unknown is worse than the known.

The noise, the dehumanization, the sickness I feel in my stomach from my dark surroundings and from the inhumanity of leaders, and every weak disgusting soul. Dehumanization is real; and I am terrified of it reaching me.

It's beyond sad. It's heartbreaking.

My mind is sick of this.

My body aches more with every new day.

Tonight, I’ll ignore the news and focus on accepting the respect and love, that so many have for me, and I'll never feel anything but gratitude for the people who are still fighting for me.

I don't care to hear about their hostages.

I don't care about those who don't care about us.

I care to feel less overwhelmed, to listen to music, have another cup of coffee, some sweets, and wait for the peace I've survived for. It's always fighting, never flighting. They have caused so much pain, and despair.