Pain is my constant companion
Pain is my constant companion. It has imprisoned me for years. I carry it everywhere, walking in pain, sitting in pain, thinking in pain. Everything I do, I do in pain.
Tonight, I took two tablets: one for my neuropathic pain, and another for everything else. Two hours have passed, and nothing has changed. If anything, the pain has only grown worse.
I lie on my bed, trying to rest, but I can't. It feels like I'm racing against time, desperately searching fora moment of hope, anything other than misery.
My head, arms, back, legs, and feet; all pulsate with pain. I feel restless. Uncomfortable. My fingers are so fatigued I have to put the phone down every few minutes just to let them recover. I cross them and feel the pulse, blood pushing what remains of my strength into me, just enough to write these words.
What will happen if this torture continues for years more? Years under occupation, siege, and the constant threat of being erased?
It will slowly strip away my ability to think, and to simply be myself. It will deny me the right to be a safe doctor, a witness to my people's suffering. It will silence my voice before anyone hears it. It will make the world forget me before | am gone forever.
Because we are made to look like hopeless beings, as if our suffering can be ignored, and our pain is something the world can't even pray for.
They have harmed us in every way imaginable, yet we are left to endure this pain too. This pain feels permanent, like nothing will ever heal it. It is proof of a trauma memory will never release. This pain is so horrible that no human could truly understand it.
My pain is not the worst among my people, which is why it grows heavier every day.That doesn't make me lucky, because I carry my people's pain too, deep in my heart and mind.
This pain will never die, and one day, this pain will become rage, and that rage will become truth. And that truth will carry us through every battle ahead. Because the pain is everywhere, just like the rage, and just like the truth.
It's raining tonight. I remain untouched by the rain because I am luckier than a million souls drowning right now.
Today, another episode of suffering will be shared online, and more tears will fall around the world. And yet, no one will be able to make it truly end.
The world will go on, and we will go on as well. Nothing will change, as long as we don't feel enough for each other.
Please pray for the people living in tents. Update On Warm Hearts Nusierat: Tomorrow, Aboud will meet with the supplier to secure blankets, mattresses, waterproof shields, and other essentials. We now have enough funds to support hundreds of families in our camp. Thank you, with our deepest appreciation. May this aid bring comfort and blessings to many families as possible, ameen.
