The irony is unbearable

Living through days no human should ever have to endure, then moving into days that are less horrible, and then suddenly falling back into horror again, confuses the mind.

Is it okay to feel okay on the better days? Is it okay to feel broken on the worst ones? When I felt lighter, did that mean I forgot my losses? Or on the dark days, do I torture myself by overthinking, as if peace is a betrayal? Did I survive by allowing myself to dream of peace? And when war returned, did that mean I was stupid?

My Scottish friend's dog had two seizures. She told me he's going to have a CT scan and will be started on medication for prevention. I dearly love my friend, and I love her dog, and hearing that scared me for both of them.

Last night, one of my patients was an elderly woman, who had suffered a head trauma and lay unresponsive throughout the night. Getting a CT scan for her was impossible.

Now I'm home, and I feel like I've been hit by two buses!

The world is beautiful. Sad that it is being destroyed.