Tonight I prayed and cried a lot

It is three o' clock after midnight in Gaza. Families are literally dying from the cold now, in the darkness.

Tonight, I am sleeping outside my home, at a friend's house, for one essential reason: I never want to give up my humanitarian role in saving lives.

My friend is asleep, and none of my family knows where I am.

I am going through intense despair.

Tonight, I prayed and cried a lot.

I asked God to take me as a martyr, or that I had never been born, so I could find relief from this madness that is tearing us al11 apart.

I wished that my death Would serve a great purpose, a purpose that saves the lives of many innocent people who now live through a hell created by humans like them, on this earth.

And at the same time, I wished to live for the same purpose.

All I do is an attempt to be a drop in an infinite ocean of need, a drop taken after every exhausting effort and painful attempt.

In the coming hours, I hope the World sees this crying, this pleading. And I pray that people feel what we feel,that they leave, if only for a moment, their pride, their sadness, their anger, their exhaustion, their illness, and everything that weighs heavily on them, and forget everything, and come to us, to my camp.

In three hours, if I do not feel that the purpose of my life, as seen by the world, is more important than the purpose of my death, I will leave the house and walk a lot. I will walk east. Within half an hour, I will be near the yellow line. I will cross it, then run quickly towards the east, until I get killed .

And I believe that if I don't

return from this, my death will be heard,and people wi1l see that I was honest in being more afraid of life than of death. They will see my oppression as something exceptional, and it might convince the world that we are oppressed to that extent. My death might truly make a difference, it might save more lives and ease more suffering.

I might regret my decision and just go to sleep after three hours, or maybe I'l1 feel even more lost and go through with it.

If my life and those I try to save matter to you, please share my post and visit the campaign link in my bio. It helps save lives and ease the cold, suffering, and death in my camp,and it'd keep me alive one more day.

I'm not crazy, this world is. I might regret my decision and just go to sleep after three hours, or maybe l'll feel even more lost and go through with it.

If my life and those I try to save matter to you, please share my post and visit the campaign link in my bio. It helps save lives and ease the cold, suffering, and death in my camp, and it'd keep me alive one more day