all I want

Do you really think Gaza won't return; Gaza as we once knew it? That we are meant to live forever in fear of displacement, torture, starvation, dehumanisation, and death? No.

Gaza will not be erased, and we, its people, will not vanish into the silence of a complicit world. Peace will never come here except through us; through the dignity of those whose rights were stolen. Gaza will rise from the rubble. I've seen it. Again and Again.

And me? I just want a break. A fucking break from this damned, endless hell. A moment of giving, and loving. I want coffee without the hum of drones. A cigarette without the stench of blood and fire. I want a hospital with medicine; staffed by doctors who aren’t at constant risk of being kidnapped, tortured or killed.

I want to live with space to breather and heal; not just to triage and say goodbye. I want flour for my people, and tuna for my cats. I want to sleep without the dead haunting me and my family. I want to grieve like a human being. I want to wake up; alive; saved.

And above all…I want justice. Divine justice.

But maybe I need more than that; to dream of life, nit just escape death. Not just because I still believe in myself; But because, somehow, I still believe in this world.

A neurosurgeon friend told me that Muhannad’s condition is critical; his hemorrhages are in the visual cortex, and things have worsened to the point that he had to be intubated. And here I am, helpless..wishing I could carry even a part of his suffering. We need him with us. We need to live with him, to witness more of his courage. HIs life must be saved; he must live to save more lives.