I didn't find myself in life anymore

The injustice lies in my inability to find myself in any song, movie, book, sea, sky, star, or moon. It sometimes lies in my inability to find myself in my prayers, and in my inability to feel the peaceful, beautiful feeling of my Creator's presence.

It lies in my inability to find myself among those who are living to thrive, to become something productive, to build a life that is ordinary and comfortable. And it lies in my inability to do or say anything that feels meaningful or purposeful.

It lies in my loss of patience, even at times when patience could save me.

It is no longer about not being acknowledged, heard, or seen. It is no longer about anything, really, except the utter exhaustion and sorrow that sometimes make me think that death is a better option than life.

I don't find myself in life anymore.

It is not depression. Depression has lived and died within my heart a long time ago. It is the feeling of not being felt, and now, more than ever, it has become something beyond my ability to forgive.

Perhaps that is simply how the Creator made me, to feel deeply, to be moved by things others might pass by. My eyes cry their hearts out whenever I am given even the briefest chance to feel something.

My life has been so hard that a normal life for myself and my family has become a distant dream, farther away than the moon.

And nothing seems capable of convincing me that what I see and feel is not the truth.