What am I now?
What am I now? I am everything I used to be, multiplied by the weight of unbearable sorrow and pain, and on top of it all, the exhaustion that has drained both my humanity and my body.
Seriously, what will they do with us? What options do we even have, if any? What exactly are we waiting for? Peace?A future? For what if justice is never achieved.
What is life, even? I haven't forgotten what it means, but I truly believe that what we are living now is something beyond life, something that keeps dragging us closer to a kind of living death. Everyone here is living in such a dark place, where they are no longer themselves. Everyone is tired as hell, of this hell.
Am I depressed, or am I simply the final result of everything l have lived through? My life has been nothing but a mountain of oppression and injustice, crushing me slowly, piece by piece. My life has been nothing but sacrifice and somehow, I still haven't died.
Can anyone teach me how to stay sane without destroying the deepest parts of my humanity, without repeating clichés about strength I no longer feel?
Can anyone save my family, my friends, and myself from this desperate struggle just to exist?
Hope is truly a dangerous thing. I wishl could stop hoping altogether, because every time hope rises, it is slaughtered. And my soul continues to suffer in the deepest ways a soul can suffer. I know that everything I've endure over these past two years will leave me fragile, lost; someone who no longer feels they belong in this world.
And yet, what keeps me moving forward is the belief that I was shaped by all of this fora reason: to become something more, to help end this misery, to save lives, and to bring back even the smallest fragment of hope into a world that has been turned into hell; a world that keeps burning us alive, again and again.
T have decided that I won't stop sharing here. This place is the only thing that helps us feel alive and keeps us warm.
I've never felt this level of sensitivity in my life. I feel like a universe made of endless moments of frustration and devastation, fighting back another universe within me, made of kindness and love.
I am not sure I will be lucky enough, despite my weaknesses, despite everything this life has taken from me, to live long enough to become the person I hope to be. I don't know if I will ever be strong or significant enough to make a real change, to stand against the occupation and the hands that keep suffocating us. I don't know if I will ever get the chance to witness a free Palestine with my own eyes. But even with all this doubt, the dream of that freedom is the last light I hold on to, the last thing they haven't managed to take from me.
Today, we were able to distribute warm blankets for adults and children, medical pillows, towels, and waterproof tarps to 2O8 families in the Nuseirat camp. Tomorrow, we will distribute the remaining supplies, which will support another 300 families.
We became a source of warmth for hundreds of families in the camp where I was born and raised. None of this would have been possible had I not spoken to the world, had the world not listened to my voice. Thank you all
