This misery feels endless

In the emergency rooms of Gaza's hospitals, doctors see strange and atypical medical cases; things that don't even make sense sometimes. But over time, they've become normal, even expected. Everyone is restless, anxious, exhausted, and on top of that, sick without treatment.

This morning, I met a woman taking care of her child who suffers from seizures, sleeplessness, and constant crying. She kept moving from one place to another, trying to find any kind of medicines for her son. With complete despair, she told me many times, that she regrets the day she ever decided to have a child.

This reality leaves doctors feeling helpless and hopeless. It affects how we care for patients, how we try to save lives, or even how we ease their pain.

How can we stay strong and capable when we share the same pain; when we too are drowning in despair?

Sadly, this means that anyone who gets sick, or suffers physically or mentally, wil keep suffering; unless their illness is simple and doesn't require tools or treatments that are unavailable here.

The International Courts of Justice, human rights groups, and the entire world remain powerless to change this reality, even a little. They can't even save one small child who has been suffering for months without treatment. Would | ever feel less miserable than I do now?

My life has meaning; I know it does, but I can't keep going like this forever.

I'm being deprived of my right to exist as an equal human being. I am being severely tortured, and even painkillers are a luxury to me.

What's breaking my heart tonight is that I no longer feel any hope within me. This misery feels endless.