I am in bed now, trying to sleep before my shift, knowing it won't be easy, as usual.

I am still sipping my coffee while my bed keeps shaking from massive explosions, and drones are ZZZZZing away any peace I could have. That's literal Zionism.

My homeland has always been a prison to both my soul and my body. At a time when my people are being killed and tortured endlessly, without even being seen as numbers.

Peace. My brother and fellow human, Dr. lan, left me this hat before returning home. I tried it on after my shift, and I took a quick selfie with my sweet niece, Ciela.

.

Don't ask me to have hope, not again.

Today, I had to hug one of my closest friends as he cried over his beloved uncle who was martyred.

What am I? Simply, I am a kind man surviving a genocide. Did I cry today? Yes, I just did. One dear friend always tells me that I am a sensitive soul, and every time, it makes me wonder: isn't that what everyone should be?

I didn't learn what I'm feeling right now in medical school. This isn't simple anxiety or the usual restlessness of a long shift. This is not written in books, not even in the darkest eras of history. These heart-shattering feelings were taught to us the hardest way; by living through what no one should ever witness.

Today, I met Dr. lan; a kind and compassionate emergency doctor from Canada who promised months ago that he would do everything he could to come to Gaza and help. My family and I invited him for lunch, and it truly felt like a different kind of day. He felt peace, love, and welcome, and we felt lucky and honored to have him with us.

In the emergency rooms of Gaza's hospitals, doctors see strange and atypical medical cases; things that don't even make sense sometimes. But over time, they've become normal, even expected. Everyone is restless, anxious, exhausted, and on top of that, sick without treatment.

On my days off, I walk at night along the same street I cross every day, passing by many demolished houses; 'demolished by American tax dollars', surrounded by the same familiar, frustrated faces and voices, 'their lives made miserable by the monsters of war.

How could we ever heal from all this pain? What is our ultimate painkiller, and why are we being denied it?

How could we ever heal from all this pain? is feeling a pain so deep that if it were spread across the world, the whole world would weep until the end of time.

Life time of a brutal occupation, and total siege. Two years of genocide, a never-ending hell. What do you mean you're not going to survive it? Don't be silly. Stay strong. Stay safe. Don't worry. Protect yourself. Take care of your health. You are amazing. You've got the truth. You're the best of us. Hold on. Don't lose hope.

Come on, world! Help us, we need you.

Today's shift was exhausting, but it was full of smiles.

The world leaders and international news claim that the genocide has ended, that peace has been achieved. But they are lying. There is no such thing as a ceasefire yet.The noisy drones never left. We've witnessed days recently more deadly than many during the genocide. Every few minutes, I still hear shooting and loud explosions in the distance. They make my bed shake; but they no longer make my heart tremble.

I’ve come to realize something significant this morning, as I sat quietly in a broken car on my way to my shift: the dehumanization of us has created the ugliest creatures; now ready to dehumanize innocent people for no reason at all. This is worse than hell.

I speak in the name of all Gazan doctors.

What's the purpose of writing, if it cannot speak the whole truth? And what's the use of speaking the whole truth, when the ending never changes?

That's their plan; they never believed in peace. They never intended to stop the genocide. The world should be ashamed, bow its head, and bury it in the soil for allowing them to win with such a plan. I no longer wish to be seen. I wish to be helped. I ask for protection, for my family, from this terrorism. Now; now before it's so late.

HOW CAN WE HOLD ON TO A WORLD IN WHICH JUSTICE HAS DIED, AND GENOCIDE IS SOMETHING STILL DEBATED?

Save what remains of life within us. They say the "war" has ended, but I say the genocide will continue killing people and torturing souls until the very end.

I didn't pray today. I forgot to pray.

I was dead; and the war woke me up again.